New Blog?!

Hello everyone and welcome back to another blog!

Now, blog lovers or writers out there will understand that there are different reasons why people write blogs online.

When I started this blog, my intention wasn’t actually to get any attention, which is why this blog was kept anonymous. It was only an outlet for me to release my thoughts into the wild and really just write and if anybody wanted to read it they could, and if they didn’t want to, then that was cool too! I never went out of my way to promote this blog, although I did end up talking to some great people while blogging here.

I decided that I wanted to up the game and take the next steps. I want to step out of my comfort zone and really make something out of blogging.

I am at a stage in my life where nothing is certain and everyone is asking “what are you going to do in university?” and “what do you want to be?”

Now all these questions cause you to think about what you want to do that you will actually enjoy and love. This got me thinking; maybe there isn’t a way for a person like me to actually turn their passion into a living… but now I’m gonna try. I’m determined to try it out, even if I don’t want to do other things such as YouTube videos how most bloggers also end up doing. I will try and turn my passion; writing, into my life. I have been writing now for many years, not just on this blog, but also had my own novel published on a website. But I never pushed myself to work harder on it and turn it into my lifestyle. Now I am determined that I want to work hard on this and make it count!

Having said all this, I want to announce the NEW BLOG that I have got up on Blogger which is a co-blog with a friend. Please go and check it out, show it some love and support and I would really appreciate that.

Here are some of the things that I will be contributing to the new blog in the near future;

  1. Healthy Lifestyle mentality & My Journey
  2. Top 3 Tips for a Healthy Lifestyle
  3. Poetry/Short stories/Novels
  4. Successful mentality

And many, many more!

I am determined to work so hard on this and make my vision come to life so I would absolutely LOVE if you could check the blog out, check out the socials and show your love and support the same way you showed with this blog. I will continue this blog in the same way that it is going, just in case you were wondering.

Thank you so much for reading, and see you soon on the socials!

Instagram|Twitter|Blogger

 

Great mind-sets and positivity

One of my friends asked me;

“How are you happy with yourself? How did you find this confidence?”

This was such a good question. Previously, people had just assumed that I was somehow born with this confidence and the intent to not care about what people think about me or say about me. I have always told those people that I haven’t always been like that. This is why I liked this particular friend’s question asking me how I came about it rather than a snarky comment; “oh you’re just so confident that’s why it’s easier for you.”

I, like most people, cared about what other people thought about me and I was always working to make others happy rather than myself. There’s a quote that says something along the lines of ‘you find happiness by making other’s happy’ but that isn’t entirely correct. I believe that helping others can make you feel happy, but only working consistently to make only them happy will not give you any happiness.

As I have grown older, throughout the years I have begun to realise what is good for my mental wellbeing and what is bad for me. I know now, the type people I want to be surrounded by, and the type not to be. This helps me to keep a good mind-set, as I have discovered that surrounding myself with people who have good mind-sets helps you to keep your mental sanity and puts you in a good mind-set. It’s all about surrounding yourself with good people and listening to good things so that they are instilled into your mind.

Another thing which has helped me is to really not care about what people think. The key to that is to realise that people will talk, no matter what you do. It’s one thing to say that but it’s another to completely understand it. There is one story from the Hindu scriptures which helped me to completely understand it, it is as follows;

Lord Shiva and his wife Parvati were on a walk through several villages with their bull. As they passed through the first village, the residents muttered to each other;

“Look at the Lord Shiva who does not even care for his wife, he is making her walk on this hot day when they have a bull that she could easily sit on.”

Upon hearing this, Lord Shiva insists to his wife Parvati that she should sit on the bull to make the residents happy. Being obedient, she followed his orders.

When they arrived to the second village, the residents began muttering again but this time they were saying;

“Look at Parvati, she is so shameless to be sitting on the bull so calmly but making her husband walk in this heat. He is the Lord, she should care for him yet she is making him walk.”

Parvati then urges her husband to get on the bull with her so they can both ride the animal. Arriving to the third village, people were astounded that both husband and wife were sitting on the bull. They start exclaiming; “Wow, look at the heartless couple who are riding the bull in this weather. They have no mercy.”

From this story, I learnt that no matter what you are doing, people will always try to find a fault in you and are more than happy to confront you about it because it is something they were hunting for. We live in a society where people don’t like to take constructive criticism and also don’t know how to give it. We like to find fault in others in order to cover up our own insecurities and mistakes, rather than focusing on our self and making ourselves better.

I find the best way to look after my mental health is to value it and understand what makes it bad, this could be being put in certain situations and having to deal with problems which aren’t being handled in the right way.

One thing I definitely have to mention that helped me open up my mind a lot was watching Superwoman (aka Lilly Singh) videos. I know, I know, to you that might simply sound like a fan girl moment, but if you watch her videos and especially her vlogs, you will know that her mind set and positivity is great to learn from and to adapt into your own lifestyle.

Having said all that, I want to quickly say that I still have days where I am not quite in tune with my emotions which makes it hard to maintain a good mind-set and positivity, however, it’s how to handle it which I have learnt which has helped me a lot.

I want to finish off by saying that, throughout my journey of focusing on myself and making myself a better person, I have gained some very good people in my life. This being some great friends and also someone very special has entered my life. I am so happy to be maintaining the great mind-sets and positivity and learning about how to improve myself along the way.

 

The Greatest Man 

Take all the wealth in the world 
All the priceless jewels 

Like diamonds and rubies

On one end of the scale,

And on the other end;

Take him 

The Greatest Man I have ever known 
Nothing is equal to him.
His thinking is one of a real man, more priceless than any jewel

His love is one of a real man, giving me my daily fuel

His loyalty is one I’ve never seen before, in any living human 
People like this, you only hear about

People like this, you tell stories about

About how good they are in their lives 

But the truth is, there’s a side to him that only I will ever know 

His greatness doesn’t end in the kindness he gives to others for free, that’s all that you see

His greatness carries on beyond that, in the way he treats me
When the only time someone makes you cry is when you miss them a lot, you know that the love is real and they are the greatest one 
He is The Greatest Man I have ever seen

He is The Greatest Man that I have ever known
And how blessed am I, with him by my side

Through all the good and bad, he never leaves my side

He holds my hand through the storms and laughs with me in the sunshine

My only happiness is discovered where he resides 
He is The Greatest Man that I have ever seen

And how bless am I 

To have him with me 

-anonymi01

Time

Some people have the best morals in life.

They stand by things that other people might not have thought of.

The words they use suddenly become more beautiful because of the meaning behind them.

I was casually sitting in my English Literature class one day, as one does, and my teacher said something beautiful. Sometimes the best things come when you aren’t looking for them. The class was discussing a play called “Betrayed” by Harold Pinter. We were being introduced to it as we are choosing which play to study next year for our course. We read Scene Three (by the way, I totally recommend it) and we found out by our teacher that the play works backwards. Everyone’s reaction to this was “aw!”, “why would you do that?!” and “that makes no sense.”

My dear teacher says;

“You all are unreasonably attached to the idea that time should only move forwards and it’s time that was challenged.”

I couldn’t help but smile. It’s true. We are all attached to the idea that time should only move forward. Think about it. Do we read books where the author chose to disobey the chronological order?  Do we move backwards in time, to see who we used to be? In fact, we get told to move on from our past.

If you don’t deal with something, it will always haunt you. Don’t run away from your past, face it. It’s like having something on your to-do list that you keep ignoring, it won’t get done on its own.

And that’s what I’ve learnt today.

 

 

Some things come without asking

When I was in Year 8, I was bullied by a group of my old friends. When I told my form tutor and head of years, they dealt with the situation amazingly. Those people haven’t spoken to me again till this day. I have to say, my head of years and form tutor were really good people- in their role and from heart as well.

I started to suffer depression… went a few years not even realising what depression was and what people with depression do.

I try to consume myself with work so that I don’t feel. And don’t get it confused, I don’t mean my college work, I mean  by working physically, busying myself up. I volunteered at two primary schools. One of the primary schools I had to attend twice a week- one day before college started and one day after college finished. The other primary school I had to visit another day of the week after college.

That was three days of the week- my free periods lost, and my mind exploding. It would be hectic, I had to run from one place to another. It wasn’t just going to the primary schools that had me stressed out, there were a number of other things such as keeping up with my coursework, and other responsibilities.

I realised I was putting too much on myself, I needed to chill out. There were those days when I felt so sad- too the root of everything- that I simply wasn’t in the mood for things. In primary schools, you are basically socialising children. You have to be a good role model, you can’t be sad and quiet. That’s just not acceptable. And somehow, playing the role of happy in the eyes of people was just too much and it was draining me out. It took all my energy.

I decided to quit the extra responsibilities I’d put on myself. Give myself more time, I needed it- emotionally, mentally and physically. I went to talk to a manager of a group of teachers at my college as she was the one who had originally set me up with this volunteering experience. She asked me why I didn’t want to do it anymore, what made me change my mind.

I told her half the truth; “It’s just a lot to handle, I need the time because I have the exams coming up soon so…”

“You should have thought about that before.” She replied to me with a weird look on her face.

Then she continued on to tell me that I was coming to tell her this when I had to be there in 20 minutes. I answered that I was waiting for her at the door while she was busy with someone else.

She told me that there were other ways of telling her like through email… boy, she failed to realise or even question the fact that maybe I couldn’t do that either?! I had two double lessons that morning, I had no access to my email. Instead of appreciating that I came to see her when I could or even that I came at all wasn’t enough to her.

She failed to realise that depression can hit you back with no advanced warning. It didn’t knock at my door telling me to inform the teacher a couple days before. The mix of feelings and emotions was what made me do it on that day.

I was just talking to some secondary school children, they told me about the bullying that was going on in their school and the fact that teachers said that by informing them the kids were moaning too much and they didn’t do anything about it.

C’mon, teachers, they aren’t five years old- they know when they’re getting picked on. Help them out. DO NOT treat it like it’s nothing.

It hurts… a lot.

“New year, new me”

I haven’t written the date once so far. But I will write it tomorrow- when I go back to school. I think that’s when the reality of being in 2016 will hit me with full force.

Woah, 2016. It’s a weird feeling.

Many of you have heard of or use the concept of “new year, new me” but frankly, we aren’t going to change so let’s LOL at that together.

Forgive me if I’m bursting your bubble but in my opinion the new year has absolutely no impact on the person you are or the person you will be.

The only change it brings around is time. Time goes on, it goes on all the time, it doesn’t wait for anyone- we know that. But if you think that on the 31st of December you changed as a person as soon as the clock struck 12- do you think you’re Cinderella?

The memories, thoughts, feelings, pain, destruction remains within us, no matter how much we try to forget. It stays, maybe it’s not something you think about daily, but it’s there, at the back of your mind, waiting to haunt you.

Well, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t at least attempt to be a better person or achieve more things (which we should be doing regardless of the new year.)

We can use the new year as motivation to achieve those things we get to lazy to do otherwise.

Anyway, I wish you all a Happy New Year and hope that we all realise the reality of this whole chaos. It’s something we need to accept within.

 

Honesty

We are at this point in the era where being brutally honest is seen as a stigma and most people steer clear of it.

The people who value honesty more than the appreciation of the crowd are labelled as ‘bitch’, ‘trying to be cool’ etc.

Let me lay this out for you in black and white…

No one in this day and age has the time to analyse every person they were communicate with. And quite simply, that is exactly what we are being expected to do.

Barely anybody goes straight to the point.

You like them, oh, let’s drop hints and wait until they say something.

You don’t like what someone just said or did to you, oh let’s keep it to ourselves and hold it in our hearts forever… By the way, this only burns you when you should just extinguish the flame by confronting them.

People are left to make their own assumptions which is just sooo much harder than if you just be honest about your feelings and thoughts.

And usually their assumptions are incorrect… or poorly worded (a writer values their words.)

Frankly, I’m the kind of person who would rather tell you if you did something to upset me than hold it in my heart. But I haven’t always been like that, I just realised that it’s so much easier if you speak direct about how you feel because nobody knows the way your mind thinks.

Honesty is a foundation for trust. I really don’t see how you can have one without the other.

Then there’s people who are honest with the starter ‘no offence but…’

You see, the reason they do that is because they are warning you that what they are about to say might hurt you.

I believe in the honesty where it makes life easier, not the honesty where, in childish behaviour, you tell someone that they don’t look good in that jacket and end it with; “I’m just being honest.” No, that’s being mean, not honest. And it makes life harder.

Think about it, if people didn’t go around the bush and straight up told you how they felt… Wouldn’t it save you all the thinking and analysing?

We have enough of that in school, man!

P.S. Australians, comment below please 🙂

 

 

My thoughts

Words are a piece of art. People string them together to make them into something beautiful, wonderful, meaningful.

Like promises, so many beautiful words brought together which cause a large amount of feelings and emotions to burst into the open… There’s nothing like being vulnerable by putting your trust in someone.

But people break promises. And that’s not beautiful at all. In fact, it’s heart-breaking.

The only way to save yourself from that pain is to stay away from it, be heartless, ask for nothing, give nothing. No trust, no pain… Simple, right?

Sometimes the only way to be happy is to not care. If I don’t care, I won’t even have a secret to withhold, or a story to keep to myself. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t care when people broke my trust.

But the truth is, when people break my trust, I’m the one to blame. Because I was vulnerable enough to give you that opportunity. I’m the one who handed you the strings to this puppet so you could have power over me and my emotions.

After enough times, you become aware not to trust anyone. Or you get better at judging who to trust and who not to.

And when you trust no one, who do you share your life with?

I’m tired after this long day and yet when the fire burns inside me to write I still do. I write what I feel and what I think. This right here is the inside of my brain written on a white background.

People need to respect that.

I kept this blog anonymous for a reason… quite a few reasons to be exact.

I share everything on here, hence the ‘everything that happens in life‘. I share personal stories and experiences which I wouldn’t speak about to a soul. This is my life, I write what I want as a way to get it out of my system.

Quite a few of my friends read my blog and they are aware of who I really am. I told them. I chose to tell them. Which means, if I didn’t tell you, I simply don’t want you to know.

And this isn’t aimed at specifically one person(I simply don’t have that kind of time on my hands), it’s for everyone who knows who I am and even those who don’t know who I am… You know who you are.

If you find out who I am, will you enjoy my writing any more or any less?

If you don’t know who I am, does that put you off reading my writing?

Honestly, I’ve given up trusting people for a while. And this blog isn’t about getting the most number of followers, likes or comments.

This is my digital diary, and if anyone wants to read it, if it’s going to be beneficial to anyone then they are welcome to read it and if you don’t want to read it then nobody is holding a gun to your head. I’m completely not bothered.

I repeat, this is the inside of my brain on a white background. Respect that.

Imagine yourself in a similar situation.

 

 

 

Fear of change

 

God knows what could happen in a couple of seconds… milliseconds even.

Things change, people change, feelings change, thoughts change, expressions change.

Everything changes. In fact, when I get home from college today, I’m gonna change my clothes. See, everything changes… (go ahead, laugh at my attempt of humor.)

I look back over the last three years and spot all the changes on the way. Wow… So much has changed.

In my last post, I wrote a poem about changes. I feel things were imperfectly perfect before all the changes I experienced. By imperfectly perfect, I mean things weren’t perfect, there’s always the ups and downs of every situation. But it was manageable, there was things to always make you smile at the end of the day.

And now, one thing is going wrong after another.

Without anyone to make you smile, and nothing particularly exciting to live for.

So much changes. Ugh, changes!

Part of the changes is growing up and having more responsibility on your shoulders. Like a burden, weighing you down. And the worst part is… it only gets worse from here.

I never had a great childhood, I lost those years of play and wonder. I wasn’t the child who would be carefree and climb trees and have fun. Even as a child I wanted to please everyone. Worrying about what if I upset someone.

Always so grown up for my age. My mind is very old. I lost the carelessness a long while before my peers and the worst thing is that I can’t get it back.

Lost years, a lost person. You can’t bring either back.

 

 

Fantasy Island

Do you ever just wish that you were someone else?

Every now and then, I plan escape. I want – need – to get away.

I want to run away from the confusion, pain, problems, responsibilities, decisions. I want to get AWAY!

I want to take a road trip or something, I don’t know, anything. I just know that I have to get away from everything for a while.

So what do I do?

Read a book.

I always have a book in my bag, ready -in fact, waiting- to be read.

And when I read, I become the character. Suddenly, this isn’t my life anymore, it’s the character’s… and I’m enjoying it.

My maths teacher said to me that I read too much, my reply was;

“There’s no such thing as reading too much. It’s never enough”

Books, novels, series, trilogies, sequels… the list goes on.

My point is, it’s comforting to become someone else, especially when there’s something in reality that you need to escape.

My life is so uninteresting, boring, dull… there’s no colour to it. I feel like I haven’t had ‘fun’ in a long time. I haven’t laughed until my stomach hurts or been so carefree that I can do anything.

The older you get, the more sense of responsibility you feel and the more you realise the truth. The amount of responsibility keeps on growing and there isn’t a way to get away from it. There is no turning back. You have to give it your all and take full on control at some point in your life. You can only run away from it for a certain period of time.

Make the right decisions and choose the wise choices. But remember to stay happy through it.