One of my friends asked me;
“How are you happy with yourself? How did you find this confidence?”
This was such a good question. Previously, people had just assumed that I was somehow born with this confidence and the intent to not care about what people think about me or say about me. I have always told those people that I haven’t always been like that. This is why I liked this particular friend’s question asking me how I came about it rather than a snarky comment; “oh you’re just so confident that’s why it’s easier for you.”
I, like most people, cared about what other people thought about me and I was always working to make others happy rather than myself. There’s a quote that says something along the lines of ‘you find happiness by making other’s happy’ but that isn’t entirely correct. I believe that helping others can make you feel happy, but only working consistently to make only them happy will not give you any happiness.
As I have grown older, throughout the years I have begun to realise what is good for my mental wellbeing and what is bad for me. I know now, the type people I want to be surrounded by, and the type not to be. This helps me to keep a good mind-set, as I have discovered that surrounding myself with people who have good mind-sets helps you to keep your mental sanity and puts you in a good mind-set. It’s all about surrounding yourself with good people and listening to good things so that they are instilled into your mind.
Another thing which has helped me is to really not care about what people think. The key to that is to realise that people will talk, no matter what you do. It’s one thing to say that but it’s another to completely understand it. There is one story from the Hindu scriptures which helped me to completely understand it, it is as follows;
Lord Shiva and his wife Parvati were on a walk through several villages with their bull. As they passed through the first village, the residents muttered to each other;
“Look at the Lord Shiva who does not even care for his wife, he is making her walk on this hot day when they have a bull that she could easily sit on.”
Upon hearing this, Lord Shiva insists to his wife Parvati that she should sit on the bull to make the residents happy. Being obedient, she followed his orders.
When they arrived to the second village, the residents began muttering again but this time they were saying;
“Look at Parvati, she is so shameless to be sitting on the bull so calmly but making her husband walk in this heat. He is the Lord, she should care for him yet she is making him walk.”
Parvati then urges her husband to get on the bull with her so they can both ride the animal. Arriving to the third village, people were astounded that both husband and wife were sitting on the bull. They start exclaiming; “Wow, look at the heartless couple who are riding the bull in this weather. They have no mercy.”
From this story, I learnt that no matter what you are doing, people will always try to find a fault in you and are more than happy to confront you about it because it is something they were hunting for. We live in a society where people don’t like to take constructive criticism and also don’t know how to give it. We like to find fault in others in order to cover up our own insecurities and mistakes, rather than focusing on our self and making ourselves better.
I find the best way to look after my mental health is to value it and understand what makes it bad, this could be being put in certain situations and having to deal with problems which aren’t being handled in the right way.
One thing I definitely have to mention that helped me open up my mind a lot was watching Superwoman (aka Lilly Singh) videos. I know, I know, to you that might simply sound like a fan girl moment, but if you watch her videos and especially her vlogs, you will know that her mind set and positivity is great to learn from and to adapt into your own lifestyle.
Having said all that, I want to quickly say that I still have days where I am not quite in tune with my emotions which makes it hard to maintain a good mind-set and positivity, however, it’s how to handle it which I have learnt which has helped me a lot.
I want to finish off by saying that, throughout my journey of focusing on myself and making myself a better person, I have gained some very good people in my life. This being some great friends and also someone very special has entered my life. I am so happy to be maintaining the great mind-sets and positivity and learning about how to improve myself along the way.