A number of times in my life I have found myself at this crossing path of decisions.
I just don’t know what the hell to do.
Often, the reason for that is people. Stupid, confusing people.
I always wondered why it is that sometimes you’re acting one way and sometimes you’re acting another way. For example, someone I talk to may think that I have mood swings because sometimes I want to talk to them and sometimes I don’t. And I sure do think that about other people too. But the point is… why?
When there’s something on your mind and you can’t stop thinking about it, and you have two minds about something. That is when your conscience is fighting with your heart. Your heart wants something but your sense of right and wrong is stopping you from anything. And trust me, it leaves you confused… Seriously confused. And with that, you confuse others too.
I have a friend from secondary school who I used to talk to often. Then my conscience started to fight, because he had developed… um, a certain interest in me. I knew that if I carried on talking to him as normal, it would only lead things on… something that I didn’t want. I knew the only way to save both myself and him trouble was to break the connection and so gradually I lessened the amount of messaging we did each day. Eventually, we didn’t talk at all. I realised that my strategy worked, and he had lost the infatuation for which I was glad.
I wanted to be friendly with him, because he was a good friend but stupid feelings got in the way and I guess, in a way, it was something lost. But I didn’t mind much. It would have been worse if it carried on.
When you have two minds about something, know that if you want something more than another thing, you will naturally convey that to the people who you surround yourself with. If they know you and understand you well enough, they will realise that too and probably try to help you like one of my friends helped me.
And when someone confuses you with their actions, remember that they have a reason. Whatever it is, it makes them happy so let it be. Sometimes questioning it can make it worse, and other times questioning it can make it better.
Stupid feelings. They make you do and think things that mess up your mind… and others too.