I always wrote diaries. Properly. The date, time and what happened that day. Sometimes I wrote about something that I was annoyed at, had feelings for or whatever.
But whenever I read them back, I cringed. I picked out mistakes in my writing. The spellings, the handwriting, the words I chose. I always feared that someone would read it and I thought about what they would think. Their view on me would change, I kept a awful lot bottled up inside and if they came to know it all they would probably think of me as a horrible, stupid person.
But recently, I have been passing through moods where I feel… not so great. I have things inside of me that need to escape. The trouble is, I have people to talk to. A lot of people care about me so I am able to share my feelings with them but…
I can’t share it with them. They would probably judge me, or it would cost in the long run.
And worst of all, the things I may say seem small. Nothing to worry about. But I’m a over-thinker. If you speak to me, most likely, I am analysing everything from your body language to your tone of voice. I think about everything, all the time.
And I admit, they are small things. They may seem stupid to you.
So this time, I starting writing a diary. I began with telling myself that I was writing it to get it out of my system. Paper couldn’t judge me.
I would write to get it out of my system, without worrying about what it would cost me.
I write every so often, whenever I feel a heat in my heart or a burst of feelings.
So the reason I’m writing this as a blog to let you know. Sometimes, you are lonely even if there are people around you all the time.They care about you and they want to help but you don’t want to burden them with your petty matters. Use paper. It won’t judge you. Use to let go of your feelings. Some things hurt and sometimes we can’t share them, no matter how much help is available.
Find your way of releasing your stress and give yourself a free mind.